First of all, apologies to both of you for the delay in providing you with your daily rant-filled sustenance. I can only put that down to not having written anything.
But, where to start, where to start? Several of this week's key news stories have had a direct and profound effect upon me, largely because I was watching them at the time.
Let's start with the biggie, those naughty MP's and their expenses claims. Now, it seems, since I last blogged you both, a select number of our Westminster masters have not exactly quit their jobs, but they have said that they will not stand for re-election whenever it is that the Prime Minister calls a General Election. Oh, by the way, we also know that Brown is holding out until the last possible moment before calling the election (likely to be June 2010). It was pointed out on the BBC's Question Time (May 28, 2009) that Brown is Election-phobic, citing:
- His unwillingness to call an election when he became Prime Minister, to see if the country wanted him
- His inability to fulfill a promise in the Labour Manifesto of 2005 and hold a refurrendum on the subject of Europe
- His apparent inability to grasp the concept that the country wants a General Election now.
What almost slipped under the radar was the fact that, by choosing to stand down at the next election rather than go now is that they get some sort of golden handshake deal from the constituency, something like that. I don't quite understand it all myself but what it shows is that MP's simply cannot help themselves when it comes to sticking their grubbly little fingers into the taxpayers' pot. It just beggars belief that, at any opportunity, these theives will take what they can for themselves whilst at the same time judging our morals and standards, filling the streets and roads with dreadful Brussels-led rules and signs, making us sweat blood and tears over the simplest of benefit-claimant forms, telling us where or when we can or cannot smoke, etc. etc.
...
The next target for my rantings is my beloved Newcastle United Football Club. In a moment, you will see that there is actually a link between footballers and MP's, but we'll come to that. Firstly, though, I am sure many of you, probably up to half (that's a whole person) feel absolutely gutted that, after 16 years of coming so close, the Toon finally achieved their dream and got themselves relegated. And how many of Newcastle's high-earning, Ferrari-driving wasters can hold their hands up and say that they played a massive part in their downfall? You guessed it, step forward Michael Owen.
When Owen signed for Newcastle United in September 2005, it was one of the brightest days in the club's history. Sure, he had a bad injury record, but those days were all behind him, right?
Wrong.
In his four, yes four, years at the club, Owen has managed just 26 goals. Alan Shearer, Owen's current manager, scored more than that in his first season! In his first four seasons, Shearer scored 86. Over three times more. And, though not a betting man, I'll wager that Shearer was not "earning" the massive fee that Owen is.
Here's the thing: during the last game of this season, away to Aston Villa, Owen was brought on in the second half, as he is coming back from yet another injury. And, to all those watching the game either in the stadium or on TV, Owen looked like he was playing for his relegation get-out clause. No-one seems to be able to recall an occasion when he so much as touched the ball. That is a criminal waste and Owen ought to be brought before the Premier League on a charge of fraud under the Trade Description Act. It is, to my mind, a criminal act, it's that serious. So we all (myself included, obviously - see above) bang on about how criminal the situation is in Westminster, but what about St. James' Park, and in other clubs with similar situations? It's outrageous. Of course, Owen is playing within the rules, but that does not make it morally justifiable. He should pay back every last penny of his fraudulently-taken salary and donate it to the poor season ticket holders who, in the midst of a recession, still go to see their "heroes" "perform" in a bid to escape their own misery. Somehow, I think the sham that is his description as a "Premiership striker" only serves to compound that misery.
Owen, of course, will believe that somehow he has a Divine right to play in the Premiership, and, as a result of that, play as first choice striker for the England squad. As my brother would say, "He's 'avin' a giraffe!" Sack him from Newcastle, sack him from England, and let him play for Rushden & Diamonds or someone, on the bench.
Actually, the one good thing about the Toon's relegation is the fact that, as long as the club doesn't go into freefall, it should weed out all the overpaid, hundred-grand-a-week dead wood like your Owens and Duffs (never was a player more accurately named) and bring in some hard-working, more honest players. Sure, they might not be as talented, but I would much rather see less talented players giving it all they've got and more than 11 supremely gifted wasters who float across the pitch, preening themselves for the cameras, wearing makeup and their own perfume, Police sunglasses or their kids' names tattooed across the back of their necks, wasting their lives and talent knowing full well that their agent will get them a good relegation clause or some sort of tax-free expensive perk that people who earned less in five years than a week of their wages could ever hope to see.
...
Right: Jeremy Kyle next. I'll be the first to confess that I am a big fan of the show. Like most of the other two million or so people who watch the show every weekday, there is a certain guilty pleasure to be had in getting a small window into people's lives, so long as they are willing to parade themselves on national television. People are always willing to do that, this country is full of them, that's up to them, and to some degree Kyle and this show exploit that. He often ends up shouting at them that (for example) if they can't be parents for whatever reason - they are too young or on drugs or alcoholics - they should have thought of that before they had unprotected sex. But if they did that, of course, Kyle wouldn't have a show and therefore not have a vehicle for venting his particular view of British society. Mind you, I can't help agreeing with what he says, and if only he were to go into politics....
...which brings me on to this: two things have struck me about Jeremy Kyle today (Friday 29th May). The first occurred to me during his show. Much of Kyle's modus opperandi reminds me of the charismatic preacher, whom many will associate here as the American-style TV evangelist. You know the type, that "Thunk-ya Jayyyyyysusssssss!" variety. Sky TV has about a dozen Christian-related free channels, and tune in to any one of them and it won't be long before one of these evangelists appears on the screen. And Kyle works in the same way. Charismatic, neatly dressed and presented, Kyle likes to RAISE HIS VOICE AND SHOUT at his guests before suddenly becoming calm and paternal, reducing many of his guests to blubbering wrecks (the women too). "I understand you've had a tough life BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU HAD UNPROTECTED SEX WITH THREE MEN IN THE SPACE OF ONE NIGHT although I know it must have been hard when your boyfriend walked out and took the kids..." Kyle clearly is employing every tactic in the Preacher's Handbook to make sure that he keeps his audience's attiontion.
The second thing that occurred to me about Jeremy Kyle occurred during a rare interview with him on ITV's This Morning during which he was promoting his new book. Kyle sat there, the interviewee on this occasion, with one leg crossed over the other, arms nonchalantly leaning on the back of his chair, and he looked like he owned the place. It was also notable how Kyle used certain words and phrases, hooks or catchphrases if you like, from his show in his interview, like "thanks, guys," or "if I'm being honest," etc. In answering one of the questions put to him, he said that that he would not rule out entering into politics... And then it all became clear: Kyle is not only a potential political candidate, MARK MY WORDS - he is a potential Prime Ministerial candidate. I guarantee you one day he will be going for the top job. I'm not suggesting he'll get it, but he has all the credentials already in place: he has admitted to his mistakes, he talks about his family alot and some (though not all) of the unsavoury parts of his life a lot, he is highly opinionated and, crucially, likes to remind people constantly that he is highly opinionated. He is charismatic, looks people in the eye, raises one eyebrow a lot, uses what I call the Preaching Technique (see above), is smart, neat and tidy. The man wants to run the country, his way. And I guarantee you he will try.
With that, folk, I will leave you for now. There is much more about which to rant, but I will spare you for now. Thank you for reading, both of you.
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